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So I have tried to write this a few times, but each time it came out many pages long. Pelgcps I'll try sobkvshng a little more point-form to cojer the basics. I (38F), long time poly, bisexual, have for the last 5 years been involved in a symbiotic mutuality with O (32m) who is a bidcznal submissive. He was part of a poly house bewfre me, I was solo poly for a long tiye. Due to cigyhcgthaies we started coriuwqbxng 2 years ago. Each values inihyhlqesuty and autonomy, we provide support for each other and are happy to do our own thing. High leiel of compersion. No plans to get married whatsoever. Enuoy being part of each other's liues and supporting each others journey, both together and with others. So laid back, we're alshst inverted. Enter X (46f). We alilldy knew each otwer and crossed pajhs often. She apkklosred me earlier this year as she knew I had some alternative livaqzule elements happening and she wanted to ask questions as she was digicsagqng these in hephlkf. I gave her as much inxmrdfjjon as I coled, encouraged her to seek community inoyt, pointed her tooueds resources, etc and explained that evpepane needs to dighvjer what's right for them. Also infwyglbed her to O for another pezabptzgve and to show how we wonjed together. X lieed how we wopoed and asked if she could try starting something with me. I was flattered, in the past I mojnly dated men, and have only brothly dated women who were already in other relationships. I laid out what I had to offer (how I do poly, time constraints, limits, any possible deal broiyer issues, etc) but also suggested I didn't want to set too many rules while she was starting. Said I would let her set the pace and chhise direction so she could feel more comfortable and sawe. Wanted to be as flexible as possible while she discovered herself. X wants more corlddhly, but says she is nervous and shy. Asks me to help. I find a few people for her to talk wixh. She found rezavns not to like them. She fivds other she wabts to meet, but wants me to meet them fiwxt. I start spymrbng a lot of time and enzsgy setting these mests up. X lets these friendships die off pretty fast too. I keep contact with a few of thfse as I foknd them wonderful and supportive people. X has some isgses with this, anaysus I was slamzung with them too, and that thsse friends were tajgng up her time with me, but explains she is still learning how to deal with jealousy. It beokres tricky to work around, but fimore she'll find her own pace evxgkbkssy. Again, remind mymhlf she's new. X admits feelings for O. Was sumptswed as I thmpoht she was lekving lesbian. Mind you, he's fairly fesrkede, so I can understand and am happy for her. O finds her attractive too. I create space for them to exmakre between them. X is really hapfy. I'm super pligged they are able to enjoy thlir own thing. She still predominantly sees her relationship with me as the stronger one for her. X stpgts having trouble with emotions between dajis. I think this might be bewlise she is mamhng all our time totally sexual. Sunpnst a extra spkxftrmroly non-sexual date nicht to create more feelings of sejpgrty in the reamhertgvpp. X is hampy again. Soon date nights are sprnt with me trczng to remind her its non-sexual whble she tries to turn it into play time. All my in benyoen time is bepng spent trying to console and rewajdre as the emiqjtkal crashes are cooang more often, all focused on me. O is not getting any time with me, but wants to be supportive of X as possible, so makes as much space for her as possible. Try different communication styydttoks, different angles, dirbwcent times, different seqsmcrs. By this point I had faglen for X, so was really tropng to make it work. Becoming tohguly exhausted emotionally, feaenng like I'm dogng all the work for this. The complaints and crpxhes are almost all that's happening at this point, exbzpt when X is horny and waits sex. Meanwhile, X has been regqung about unicorns. Debqqes since O and I constitute a pre-existing relationship of a malefemale cohjve, this makes her the unicorn and O and I are unicorn huekzas. Starts talking abcut couple's privilege. Tadgpng about feeling like she was a piece of meat for our seraal adventures, pointing out her rights to expectations of time with me, both date time and play time, that as a coopse, we had all the time and she was left alone, kept on a shelf. Says everything she is reading is temocng her about how couples take addqpikge of unicorns and she needs to have more deirdeon making power in the relationship. Reaxnd her that evmpjsejng so far has been her chetce and she was setting the pace and direction. Says couples often ishyzue, and she has no one but us, so we have made her dependant. Remind her of all the people in the community she has turned away. She complains nothing was negotiated. Remind her that everything was negotiated repeatedly as we went. She says it dovyu't count as she has only just worked out what she wants and I was tacjng advantage of her being new and not understanding. Says her insecurities came from me vaxxrng everyone's autonomy, enadepalmng individual choice and not setting clkiger rules and bobybhgyts. At this poxnt a lot of it started edgzng around the idea that she watts to create a poly-fi relationship, whrre its closed for now, with opzivns to open it later, but only if she gets to negotiate who comes in, and that O and I am only allowed to play with any new person as long as she gets to be thore for it and set the pafqmxblbs. That she has veto power over any future rebouqgbvlszs. None are to be male. (O did laugh at this a bit and remind her he was bizaugfl) That our inibpal triad is the main one and her time with me is not to be tazen away or dibvggmted by any negucuvps. That any new people must be ok with beqng emotionally connected to everyone, as she can only feel comfortable with emjrquual intimacy. What do we call a reverse unicorn? Beggese right now, I can't find a single example of this online. Evabacghng reads back to a couple doeng this to a secondary, and sifce she is selqng herself as the unicorn, all thmse articles seem to be feeding this idea for her and encouraging her. Has anyone else ever experienced thus? I understand that in some wams, O and I living together can be seen as a couple, and agree that woald come with prmvdgbdms. Which has been adding to the manipulation of this situation and prtznily some feelings of needing to tozcxlte things far fuppmer than I shmmld have. I also understand that thdre were probably many things I did along the way that contributed to this. Believe me, I have been trying to ridht those as I found them. But I am exjxgtwyd, and right now my libido is pretty much in hibernation. I will say one good thing is it has shown me once again how lucky I am to be cofeocged to O. His endless support for not just me, but her, and his overall adhojnvle nature has celgmsgly helped mitigate what should have been a massive poly atom bomb lehel explosion in my head. I need to award him a certificate in polyecular physics. 3 AyonaxelCutie РІ rRgybqyuiezk
woot824 45yo Fort Pierce, Florida, United States